Rant

Invisible

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They’re listening, but they cannot hear me
I’m screaming and crying so loud
The proud hustles past
The first and the last
They scurry and just overcrowd

They’re looking, but they cannot see me
I’m jumping and waving my hands
They stand all around
And don’t make a sound
It’s as if I am nothing but sand

They’re searching, but they cannot find me
And yet I am right in their way
They say, “Are you there?”
And I answer with care
But they pass me much to my dismay

They meet me, but never will know me
The person I am deep inside
I hide and I wait
Til I find my soulmate
And everyone knows that I tried

Again

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For the first time in almost forever
Somebody looked at my soul
And bypassed the failures and weakness
To find out that I was pure gold

My costumes and masks didn’t phase him
He saw me for just who I was
His smile and his laughter completed my day
And I found my heart singing for him

He slowly pried my heart open
Whispering lovely delights
And reached deep inside to touch all the scars
Where others had taken their bites

And just when I took a deep breath
And relaxed and started to trust
He took a big knife and plunged it inside
And twisted until I was dust

So what can be done as I lay here
The wall must be put up again
The barricades must never be coaxed away
Not for the grandest of men

The End

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I want him to watch as I walk in the room,
And see no one else but just me.
I want him to study the shape of my hand
As he touches it delicately.
I want him to fein at the sound of my voice
And hang on my lips as I talk.
I want him to ache when I leave for a bit
And let me hold on as I walk.
I want him to reach out to me in the night
Wanting me ever so close.
I want him to giggle forgetting the hours
I want him to love me the most.
I want him to see every crack on my face
And see every scar in my heart.
But act like I’m perfect and smile with his eyes
And swear we will not be apart.
And then I awoke from my fairytale dream
And recalled that there never has been
Someone who’s loved me or came even close.
I’m alone and that’s it. The End.

Fit

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Fit into this box, they say,
They push my head on down.
Now carry this and now balance on that
Perk up, don’t you dare wear a frown!

Run just a little bit farther.
Push just a little bit more.
Don’t forget Tuesday and pull it together
Make sure that you lock all the doors.

Why can’t you be a bit taller?
Your clothes are not perfect tonight.
Bend over farther, now speak even louder
Are you trying to do it just right?

I want to just go far away.
Take the burdens and put down the load
Disappear into nothing, escape what is real
But I can’t find the magical road.

Merry Christmas

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a screen was illumined, no keyboards or mouse.
The stockings and lights are still packed away
No one had money to fund a display.
The children are gone in their cars as they went
My dreams were disrupted [so fast as they spent] [by D and B]
As they left me alone all snuggled in bed
They made enough noise to wake up the dead.
When up on the roof I heard such a clatter,
It’s only the squirrels, they’ve gotten much fatter.
The moon has stopped shining sixteen hours ago,
For I stayed up late with my laptop aglow.
There wasn’t a reason to wake up on time.
No presents were wrapped, I haven’t a dime.
The cats thought the day should be special indeed,
They left me some puke, “Oh that’s what I need!”
I went back to bed, and Zero came with.
And all day we sat, the whole twenty-fifth.
So all of you people on facebook I see
With your happy kids smiling and such lovely trees,
I’m here all alone with no one in sight,
I may as well go to bed for the night.