Adding

I think GP is being added to my pickle pack. I’ve seen him 3 times now and I am really enjoying spending time with him. Last night he made me dinner, we talked for hours and hours and watched YouTube videos until 1am. I was intrigued, interested and quite enjoyed the entire time. It was great to hang with him to keep my mind off of DT. DT has been distant, polite, but short and slowly withdrawing.
I look back at the week and smile at them: DT Sunday, GP Tuesday, JM Tuesday night, SK Wednesday (Kohl’s), GP Thursday and JH will be tomorrow.
Two and I also applied for an apartment today. I don’t see how we wouldn’t get it. I’m excited to have my own bedroom for the first time in 18 months. We will probably know in a week or so whether we’re moving in next month.


More Love

I got back from seeing my bff Kevin in Florida last Wednesday. JM joined me for the first few day, and then I had Kevin all to myself. I then went on the greatest ATV adventure ever! I was one of the guys and enjoyed the weekend driving a side by side like I stole it. I hadn’t been on a 4 wheeler since the kids were little. I knew I wouldn’t be able to drive a regular ATV, but I was able to drive the side by side just fine for about an hour! I had the time of my life.
JM switched days and I got to see DT last night. He is going to break my heart something fierce. I am absolutely falling for him. I can see myself in his life. I’d love to make him happy. I’d love to be beside him every morning and be his companion forever. He doesn’t see me the same. I know he enjoys my company, but I wonder for how long. I am struggling with living for the moment and just enjoying every moment with him or leaving now to save my heart. Of course I will continue… I can’t live any other way.
SK and AR are still my phone buddies. I wish I could see more of them.


Normal Week

I haven’t slept in my own bed in a week and I won’t be anytime soon. Between camping, DT, JM and EB, I’ve been busy living life to the fullest.
Last night I started EB a logo and website. The night before, JM and I finally had our date night that I’ve been waiting for for 6 weeks and it was magical. I think I finally broke through a few walls that he had up and connected to him in a way which made him melt and be vulnerable. DT is still wonderful and accidentally said the L word to me. I told him he’s not allowed to say that to me. He’s falling too fast and he doesn’t have his eyes open. I adore him, but I’m not sure he can handle who I am.
I found out my parental figures are visiting in 2 weeks. There’s only 1 day that they’ll be here that I’ll be home from Florida, but they’re choosing to spend the day with an old coworker. People think it’s my coldness that repels them. I’d disagree.


Weekend Home

This is the first weekend that I’ve stayed home in quite a while. I know that my body needs the rest, but my body is restless. I am missing my JM. In just 3 weeks we go to see Kevin, but somehow I’m thinking that will be the beginning of the end. Maybe I’m overthinking everything.
DT continues to be a great companion. I know deep down he could never fulfill all of me and it’s sad. I’ll be spending some time with him tomorrow, so we’ll see how that goes.
SK has wandered back. It hurts that he had to stop spending time with me to pursue someone else, but encouraged that he’s choosing to spend time with me again.


Bucket List

One thing that has been on my bucket list for quite some time is going to Sturgis. Today I leave for that trip. It’s my trip of a lifetime! I’m still in disbelief that it’s actually happening. I plan on having the time of my life while getting lots and lots of pictures. DT, the guy that is taking me seems just as excited.
Side note… JM and I are still talking daily and working out our miscommunications. SK has wandered back after his current dating attempt. Z is dating someone new, but seems obsessed with texting lately. I feel connected and loved and at peace.
And guess what? I’m going to Sturgis!!!!!


My Master

So much has happened in the last week!
I’ve gone riding with Art. I went camping and boating at Castle Rock Lake last weekend. TM came to visit and spent a day with me. We rode on his bike and went to eat and just talked and talked forever.
What I forgot to mention here is that I am now collared. The collar I have is temporary, but the contract between me and JM is signed and it’s official. There are not many rules, but the ones that I have, I love. I got to spend last night and morning with JM. Every time I visit, I swear he learns my body more and more and does things and takes my body farther than anyone ever has before. It is beyond my wildest dreams of ecstasy. Today, I am sore…. ever so sore. But, I love the way he feels and he treats me very well. We just need to find him a better paying job with less hours!


The Fade

It hurts when people fade away. I get used to touching base with certain people daily and when it’s suddenly not reciprocated, it wounds me. I would never want to force someone to interact with me, I want them to want to reach out to me.
So, I must let go of AR and SK. They both mean so much to me, but they started dating others that are taking up their time. Alas, the trials of a monogamous mind!
In the meantime, JM is ever more wonderful. I am on my way to be collared. That has been a dream for me for many, many years. I am counting down the days until I am with him again. Time seems to not go by fast enough.


Dogs

It’s been a long week housesitting for Justin & Kristi. Six of their dogs plus zero, 6 ferrets (1 with an injured eye), a chinchilla, a bearded dragon and a fish tank. I also somehow started cleaning and organizing. I am craving some alone time.
I had a chance to get out a few times for some brief social interaction. I am looking forward to JM coming here tonight. He will be here in 3 hours. The time cannot go fast enough! We will be going to watch fireworks. I’m looking forward to his smile and his touch and his gaze upon me. My soul has missed his.