Adding

I think GP is being added to my pickle pack. I’ve seen him 3 times now and I am really enjoying spending time with him. Last night he made me dinner, we talked for hours and hours and watched YouTube videos until 1am. I was intrigued, interested and quite enjoyed the entire time. It was great to hang with him to keep my mind off of DT. DT has been distant, polite, but short and slowly withdrawing.
I look back at the week and smile at them: DT Sunday, GP Tuesday, JM Tuesday night, SK Wednesday (Kohl’s), GP Thursday and JH will be tomorrow.
Two and I also applied for an apartment today. I don’t see how we wouldn’t get it. I’m excited to have my own bedroom for the first time in 18 months. We will probably know in a week or so whether we’re moving in next month.


More Love

I got back from seeing my bff Kevin in Florida last Wednesday. JM joined me for the first few day, and then I had Kevin all to myself. I then went on the greatest ATV adventure ever! I was one of the guys and enjoyed the weekend driving a side by side like I stole it. I hadn’t been on a 4 wheeler since the kids were little. I knew I wouldn’t be able to drive a regular ATV, but I was able to drive the side by side just fine for about an hour! I had the time of my life.
JM switched days and I got to see DT last night. He is going to break my heart something fierce. I am absolutely falling for him. I can see myself in his life. I’d love to make him happy. I’d love to be beside him every morning and be his companion forever. He doesn’t see me the same. I know he enjoys my company, but I wonder for how long. I am struggling with living for the moment and just enjoying every moment with him or leaving now to save my heart. Of course I will continue… I can’t live any other way.
SK and AR are still my phone buddies. I wish I could see more of them.


Weekend Home

This is the first weekend that I’ve stayed home in quite a while. I know that my body needs the rest, but my body is restless. I am missing my JM. In just 3 weeks we go to see Kevin, but somehow I’m thinking that will be the beginning of the end. Maybe I’m overthinking everything.
DT continues to be a great companion. I know deep down he could never fulfill all of me and it’s sad. I’ll be spending some time with him tomorrow, so we’ll see how that goes.
SK has wandered back. It hurts that he had to stop spending time with me to pursue someone else, but encouraged that he’s choosing to spend time with me again.


Bucket List

One thing that has been on my bucket list for quite some time is going to Sturgis. Today I leave for that trip. It’s my trip of a lifetime! I’m still in disbelief that it’s actually happening. I plan on having the time of my life while getting lots and lots of pictures. DT, the guy that is taking me seems just as excited.
Side note… JM and I are still talking daily and working out our miscommunications. SK has wandered back after his current dating attempt. Z is dating someone new, but seems obsessed with texting lately. I feel connected and loved and at peace.
And guess what? I’m going to Sturgis!!!!!


The Fade

It hurts when people fade away. I get used to touching base with certain people daily and when it’s suddenly not reciprocated, it wounds me. I would never want to force someone to interact with me, I want them to want to reach out to me.
So, I must let go of AR and SK. They both mean so much to me, but they started dating others that are taking up their time. Alas, the trials of a monogamous mind!
In the meantime, JM is ever more wonderful. I am on my way to be collared. That has been a dream for me for many, many years. I am counting down the days until I am with him again. Time seems to not go by fast enough.


Girl Drama

Why do girls have to be so mean?
I was invited to a “girl’s night out” to see Road Trip play at the Grateful Shed. I’m sure I could have found someone to go with me or found something else to do that night, but I told the gals that I’d go. I posted on the FB event 2x asking if / where we were staying in a hotel and that I can get discounts. Not one person answered me back. So I assumed they weren’t staying, so I drove the hour, 15 there and back. Then I found out later that they were all staying in a hotel.
I also asked where we were meeting for dinner before the band started. I asked in the event thread and no one answered. So I figured no one was going out to eat and I’d need to eat anyway, so I got to the Shed an hour early to eat and save spots for everyone. I messaged Sarah while I was there how many people were coming. There were 5 besides me…. and they were out to eat together currently and would get there soon.
Why do girls have to be so rude and unkind?
Since it rained, they postponed the start time 1 hour. I hung out and stalked tables to take when people got up for an hour. And then I thought, why should I go out of my way and find them a table when they were so unkind to me? I can’t even be unkind back. SK and I were texting for a while as he was telling me to forget about a table for them. And it happened… the close table got taken while I was looking at my phone and 1 comfortable chair opened. So I picked the 1 chair and got settled to watch the band myself. The gals showed up a bit later and stood the whole night.
I’m just so done with the girl drama.


Hot times

Today’s temp is 92. SK and I were going to go to the House on the Rock but my back was hurting so badly. Then we were going to go shooting but it was so stinkin hot. We settled on picking up his new bike, touring his antique display and going to eat for some great BBQ. He’s going to break my heart when he finds the lady he’s looking for. I told him I’d never unfriend him, that whomever comes into my life has to accept the friends I already have. I guess I’ll just enjoy his company while I can.


Full

I am feeling so full of love. JM and SK are so wonderful.
JM and a Meta went dancing at the Crucible for Leather and Lace. It was fun and the spirit of everyone was so uplifting. Today with SK was relaxing and comfortable. We have plans to see each other again Wednesday.
My soul is at peace and happy. Life is good.


Good Days

I have had the most wonderful last few days! I spent Tuesday night with JM. I am growing ever so fond of him. He is so loving and gentle and kind.
Then I spent Wednesday with SK. We rode to Milwaukee and went to the Harley museum, ate lunch at Solly’s and rode back. I’ve got a bit of sunburn, but it’ll fade soon I’m sure. I’m enjoying his company more and more as I learn who he is.